Recapping

I just finished watching the first part of Diane Sawyer's Portrait of a President 20/20 special. John McCain is old. And his mother is 96. Jesus.

Everyone is still buzzing about the one and only VP debate. Here is my running commentary from last night:

• Gwen Ifill is here to moderate this debate.
• Why is there only one VP debate? Who decides these things?
• I think Sarah Palin just wiped her nose before shaking Biden’s hand.
• “Hey, can I call you Joe?” Jesus Christ. Really?
• How do they get her bangs to sit like that?
• Biden sounds knowledgeable, but if I have to listen to any more Wall Street/homeowners/bailout/taxpayer talk…
• Sarah Palin thinks we need a barometer to measure if we’re having a good economic time or a bad economic time. It is a bad time.
• Sarah Palin thinks American parents (on the sidelines of a soccer game) are fearful about how they’re going to afford to send their kids to college. Not a concern for her!
• You know, when I did mock trial the girls weren’t allowed to wear their hair down because it wasn’t professional/serious enough. Sarah Palin’s half ponytail would not have made it in the (fake) courtroom. Really. I was once yelled at for wearing a pink headband.
• Sarah Palin is touting herself as a member of a team of mavericks. She also just said “darn right!”
• Sarah Palin is going to “talk straight to the American people.” Scary!
• Well Palin just called Biden “Senator O’Biden.”
• And she is one of those people who pronounces nuclear as nuculer.
• This gay marriage section is painful.
• I would love to show Sarah Palin a blank world map and ask her to point out Iraq.
• Joe Biden just said something about “…there have been 700 madrasas built…we need to be building schools…” Um. A madrasa is a school.
• It’s nuclear. Not nuculer. Let’s just set that one straight right now.
• Sarah Palin thinks we need to support Israel to ensure that there is not a second Holocaust. The Holocaust didn’t happen in Israel, lady. In fact, Israel was a result of the Holocaust. Do we need to ensure there is no second Israel? Maybe that’s not such a bad point.
• “I beg to disagree” is not a turn of phrase that I’m familiar with. Is this an Alaskan thing?
• What’s the policy on using a vice presidential debate to do shout outs to your brother’s third grade class?
• Sarah Palin’s accent is so closely related to a stereotypical Minnesotan accent that I’m ashamed.*
• Biden is pulling the heartstrings here with the dead first wife and daughter and all. Oh boy.
• I’ve been trying to figure out how Palin’s makeup artist gets her cheekbones to look like that. I think I’ve figured it out. It’s just an optical illusion.
• I really doubt that Sarah Palin’s family is that diverse.
• Her closing statement was so bland that I chose to read Joe Biden’s Wikipedia page instead of listening to it.
• I like Biden and all, but Scranton, PA sounds pretty shitty and he should probably stop bringing it up.
• God bless America! God bless our troops! The end!
• Palin’s bringing the family up on stage. Where’s Bristol at?
• Oh God the families are meeting each other. This is like the end of a really bad Yankees/Red Sox game.
• Anderson Cooper is here now. Everything will be fine.

* The StarTribune ran an article today about Palin's near Minnesotan accent. The main source quoted in the article is a guy named Joe Salmons, who is described as the "...director of the Center for the Study of Upper Midwestern Cultures at the University of Wisconsin-Madison." Now that's a specialty.