On Mother's Day in 1944 or 1945 my grandfather sent my grandmother a note from Australia, where he was stationed during WWII (or maybe it was New Guinea, either way, go figure) that said "You're not a mother yet, but you will be some day, so happy Mother's Day." When she told me this, I cried. I cried because it was so sweet, because my grandfather is still rather recently dead and it hurt to think of the similar gestures we now have to do without, and because I was afraid that no one would ever send a note like that to me.
When it comes to dating, at least in my age group, the last thing you are ever supposed to do is express interest. If I wrote a letter to a boy like Sylvia Plath wrote love letters to Dick Sassoon I would probably be locked up. It's usually not okay to communicate real feelings until you're deep into a relationship. And yes, okay, my grandparents were already married when the aforementioned note was sent. And my grandmother has admitted to playing hard to get while they were dating by telling him "No, I can't go out tonight. I have to wash my hair." But still. I am not a sociologist and I am not at all interested in being one, but when I look at the state of dating it makes me wonder: has love changed or have we?
At my college orientation I had to listen to a lecture that warned all of the incoming freshman to differentiate between skepticism and cynicism as they approached life and higher learning. I fear that in this particular arena (the modern love arena) I may have slipped into cynic mode. I want things to be magical and right (and let's not even get into how culture and media reinforces these wants) and they just never are. I had one boyfriend who really loved me and I broke up with him and I had one boyfriend who I really "clicked" with and I broke up with him too and now no one I date really even likes me and no one is writing poetry or songs about me and clearly I am just not the kind of person who any other person will ever be infatuated with. Besides my mother.
I think I am perhaps the most sensitive person on earth. I have Osteogenesis Imperfecta of the heart.
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1 comment:
Actually, if you'll take an old woman's advice, you're doing all the right stuff.
Dating vibe should be "Maybe. What do you got?"
And with all the rest of your time, be gentle with yourself. The sooner you learn how, the easier the rest of your life will be.
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