Overhaul

It is time for some major changes over here. Things are coming to fruition (at least in my head) and I'm sort of at a crossroads and I sort of need to just do what feels right.

I have been scooting along ever so slowly for the past 2 months (actually you can just tack on the 5 previous months and make for a grand total of 7 months of total crap healing) trying to reclaim things (namely myself). I've been writing journal entries, and excising painful little pieces of truth and memory (they are not always the same) and anonymously plastering them all over the internet, and writing letters to myself, and writing letters to people who will never read them…and I understand that this is how it had to be.

I made a conscious decision to manipulate my winter break into an opportunity for change. I plan on harnessing the momentum of the shift in routine that spending 9 days in Northern Ireland provides and making another go of it starting now(ish). This may make very little sense if you're not inside my head right now. Sorry. I have been called "the queen of vagueness" and have also been told I'm just plain bad at being articulate. Let's try again.

I need to go in a different direction in terms of content. I am a sarcastic and witty and judgmental person who has a penchant for sharing maybe a little bit too much. I'm good at writing, and it does not make sense for me to be writing about what I had for lunch, or the nostalgia of Valentine's Day, when those are not things that come naturally to me.

I've been keeping a secret blog (I am Dear Old Love! Every post is me! - No, that's not true. But God, wouldn't that be a funny joke?) for the past few weeks and having so much fun with it. I've decided to clear out all of the incriminating stuff and go public with it. I like tumblr better as a platform, and um, yeah. That's kind of that. So, yes, every so often I will use swear words. And there will be weird, vague posts about failed relationships and things that you maybe want to know about and maybe really don't. And I'll get occasional lectures from my mother about how the internet is a public place and some day soon grad schools will be Googling me. And then I will ask her not to tell me to censor myself.

You can find it all here.

Becoming More Jewish

Soon I might have to start an "Adventures in Frugal Living" type blog.

Again? Really?

On Dear Old Love. This one's too easy.

I Hate This Blog

My secret blog is so much more fun.

Not Protesting

3 weeks ago when that "25 Things" list was going viral on Facebook I complied and dredged up 25 pieces of mostly useless trivia about myself. Thing number 12 was "If Sean Penn doesn't win the Best Actor Oscar for Milk I won't watch the Academy Awards next year." I'm really glad I don't have to carry out that boycott. When they announced Best Actor I screamed "Yes! Yes!" at a volume usually only reserved for Notre Dame games. In fact, I was pretty pleased with the outcomes of almost all of the awards, and especially glad that Benjamin Button didn't win anything important.

I Wish

I were lying in Sam's bed at Oxy again, with the window open and the California sun beating on my outstretched arm. The air smelled so different that I knew I was far away from all of the bad people and that I was safe.

That I didn’t constantly struggle with my need to share everything.

That I ate better and had the energy to make myself eat better.

That I was capable of motivating myself about those things I consider the minutiae of life.

That I was capable of giving myself criticism and praise in equal doses.

Srsly?

Oh, yes. Please.