Diary Excerpt

11/07/2008

Birthday tomorrow. Let's not talk about it. [Mindless details about past birthdays]. Mom is coming in at some point this afternoon - I realize a time will come (perhaps sooner than I think) when it won't be possible for her to come and attempt to rescue me. [Mindless details about gifts I hope to receive]. I have spent all of Poetry class writing on my thigh to cheat on my Abnormal Psych test. I still hate Robert Frost. I had a dream last night that I couldn't drive anymore. I also had a dream that told me to pluck my eyebrows. So I did.

***

Okay, McDonalds, I know that we've been indulging in each other quite often as of late. Me in your McNuggets, you in my debit card. But let us not pretend that any of your food options are a "meal". (A cunt girl told me I was pathetic for writing test answers on my thing. Cunt. Running is not a sport. Cunt.)*

* This happened as I was walking out of "The Experience of Poetry". She really felt the need to stop me and say "Sorry, but I think it's pathetic that you were writing answers on your thigh." I mention the part about running not being a sport because she is one of those people who wears running shoes at all times.

Note: I did not use any of my thigh-cheats in the end. Mostly because I was stunned/stung by running shoes's remark, but also because I had already done a pretty kickass job of memorizing the stuff I needed to know. Take this acronym for the 5 layers of erotic life, for example. The five layers are:
1. Gender Identity
2. Sexual Orientation
3. Sexual Preference
4. Sex Role
5. Sexual Performance
I remembered this as GOPRP (Grand Old Party, Republican Party). It's good, right? I thought so.

I reckon you're about an 8 or a 9

I just put the finishing touches on a paper titled "It’s a Jungle Out There: Maximization Strategy vs. Equalization Strategy in Mate Selection". I seem to get a lot more out of this title than the other people I've shared it with. Hmm.

I just want to read "The Bell Jar"

Buried in a pile of informed consent forms, debriefing forms, lab reports, study guides, Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, and a book on language death. And assholes. Did I mention assholes?

I am happy, though. Really. I'm happy. I'm in DC. I'm where it's all happening. I didn't quite have it in me to run over to the White House after they called Barack's victory, but I did run around the quad cheering. And I drank a celebratory glass of sparkling kosher grape juice during the acceptance speech.

Waiting for 270

Me, voting for the first time

Despite having an absolutely shit day, I'm thrilled by the election returns. "It's looking, shall we say, exceedingly grim for John McCain right now," says Wolf Blitzer. Music to my ears, Wolf. Music to my ears. I have the kosher sparkling grape juice chilling in the mini-fridge. Here's hoping the only thing they make me do at work tomorrow is celebrate!

Sexlection

My roommate and I have been bouncing around various questions on the theme of "How long do you think it has been since Barack and Michelle have had sex?"

Instead of boring you with my election anxiety, I offer you two links on this theme:

The Playboy Presidential Sex Quiz and Babeland's genius voting incentive.

Unfortunately I won't be in Babeland proximity for this one, but Starbucks, Krispy Kreme, and Ben & Jerry's are also doing election day freebies.

I wonder...

I'm glad to see that Fannie Mae is sponsoring a Help the Homeless Walkathon. But really, at this point, shouldn't Fannie be trying to help herself?

Day 1: In which I rehash, and use bullet points

So, NaBloPoMo. It's here, and I'm going for it. I'm kind of appalled that it's November already. November is the month of my birthday (a week from today, in fact) and also the month of Thanksgiving. Both of these things used to excited me. Now they just make me uneasy.

One precedent to November 1st is, of course, Halloween. So, let's talk about that. Mine consisted of:

• a sobbing phone call to my mother
• a cobbled together aviator costume
• an impromptu meetup with several people I haven't seen in about 5 months
• wandering aimlessly around Georgetown
  
• drinking boxed wine out of a MinuteMaid apple juice bottle
• shouting at passersby that our tin-foil wrapped group member was, in fact, the Tin-Man and not a Chipotle burrito
• putting my new Nikon Coolpix to good use
• ending the night at a party I DID NOT mean to go to
• having an excellent time at a party I DID NOT mean to go to
  
• crappy beer (Keystone Light)

So far, today has consisted of:

• angry text messages from my ex-boyfriend
• a headache